The Irreversible

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I hate liars.
No matter who you are. Lie to me once. I’m never going to trust you again.
Especially if you are someone I might spend the rest of my life with.
You can always think before you speak.
Never say things you can’t take back.
Right after your lie, you always have the time to admit that’s actually a lie and apologise.
No room for any chance.
Not at all.

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The Taking Off

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Don’t get me wrong. I work hard at work.
However, I’m totally aware that no matter how hard I work, this isn’t what I’m looking for.
It’s my boss’s dream, my boss’s vision, my boss’s plans, my boss’s ideas (provided by me), my boss’s decisions (which are always very different from what I think), in short and quite literally – it’s my boss’s business.
There’s something I want to do. I have goals. I have visions. I have ambitions. I’m an individual with my own equally worthy dreams.
However well-paid you are at your job, you’re merely getting your job done, rather than dreaming your dream of your own will.
It’s your life. Live it for yourself, not your boss.
Do your own thing. Make your dream come true.
Take off =)

The one who broke my heart (Part II)

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I was left with numbness.
I was single for quite a long time, wandering around guys who were interested but failed to start anything with any one of them.
One day, this guy entered my life. He’s so passionate, so persistent and so aggressive.
Numbness hadn’t left me, yet I felt it’s a good time for change and I deserve affection. I let this guy in.
And so the troubles began.
Starting a relationship after such an experience caused a big strike to my mind. Getting intimate with this guy triggered something in me. All of a sudden, I went from numb to very confused. During daytime, I saw this guy. During nighttime, I kept seeing my the one. The dreams were so real. I was sitting right across my the one, looking at each other with deep passion. I was in his arms, his arms were so strong yet gentle. I could smell his every breath. We were hugging each other tightly in his bed. He was stroking my hair so gently. This minute my head was on his chest, the next minute my head was on my own pillow. My eyes staring into the air, my heart sunken, knowing it’s happening again – it’s so real but it’s not real.
This new guy was so passionate for me in reality, while I was so passionate for my the one in another reality.
I was torn.
I want to wake up, but my mind won’t let me.
It’s like a ghost, haunting me fiercely.
I certainly liked my boyfriend a lot. But it’s out of question that the love of my life wasn’t him.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with him.
Unfortunately, it may not be the solution.
My love life may forever be messed up.
I can never forget him, as I will always love him. This is something that can never be changed.
Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who loves me a lot and whom I love a lot.
But this very guy, him, forever owns a place in my heart, which is where my permanent wound lies.
We are very close friends.
We will always be.
I want everything to be perfect for him.
He has all my blessings and support.
All the time.

The one who broke my heart (Part I)

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I have met my the one.
Unfortunately, my heart has been smashed into pieces because of him.
It can never be put back together. Ever.
When we first met, we were genuiely purely friends. He helped me a lot through my struggles with my boyfriend at that time. When I broke up with the boyfriend at that time, he was so worried and helped me a lot. He’s a great friend.
We talk about everything, with no scruple. It feels so comfortable to be with him. We like the same things, we despise the same things. We do things in highly similar ways as our values and mindsets are almost identical. And yes, in short, we are soulmates.
Growing up, no matter how deeply I think I love a person, I never voice it. I wait. Or simply give up.
For the first time ever (and very probably the last time), I have such a huge urge to tell him I love him.
And I did.
And I failed.
We can’t and won’t be together.
Numb, I felt so lost that I wasn’t able to start a relationship with other guys that happened to be interested in me for such a long time.
I was left with no feeling.

The One

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For some lucky people, they meet that special someone, and live happily ever after with that someone. Simple story. Fairy tale.
For some, they meet that special someone, but it turns out it won’t work out. They suffer some heartache moments, yet they are able to move on and find another someone. They struggle, somehow, as this new person is not as special. However, with the passage of time, they have changed their mindset and turn all their attention and affection to this new person. Gradually, that person becomes their the one.
For the majority of the population, among everything they have gone through, there is that one person who always sticks to the mind, has the biggest influence, and breaks the heart, really badly, like, smashes it. Yet, you can’t help but get sucked deeper and deeper into the blackhole. Because that person is the most special person you have ever met. Even if they can’t give you what you desperately hope for, still, you love them with all your heart, not asking for anything from them. And so, your the one continues to be your heartache till you leave this world.
Unrequited and terminal.